How do you give difficult feedback?
Promptly, privately, and about observable behaviour and its effect — because the two things that make feedback fail are delay and vagueness, and both come from the giver's discomfort rather than from any concern for the recipient.
What to actually say. Describe what you observed, the effect it had, and what you want instead. "In the client meeting you interrupted Priya three times; she stopped contributing, and we lost her view on the pricing. I need you to let people finish." That is specific, checkable and actionable.
What fails:
Character statements. "You're difficult in meetings" cannot be acted on and invites defence of identity rather than change of behaviour.
Saving it up. Feedback at an annual review about something in March is useless and reasonably resented — the person will ask why nobody told them, and they will be right.
Hedging until the message disappears. Softening so heavily that the person leaves thinking it went well is the commonest failure, and produces genuine shock later.
The compliment sandwich, which is widely taught and widely recognised, so the praise is discounted and the criticism is heard as the only real content.
In front of others, which guarantees defensiveness.
What helps it land:
Ask permission and give context. "Can I give you some feedback about this morning?" prepares the person to listen.
Be concrete and recent.
Separate impact from intent. You can describe the effect without claiming to know the motive — and you frequently do not.
Then stop talking. Let them respond, and be genuinely open to information you did not have.
Agree what happens next, specifically, and follow up.
Why people avoid it, and what that costs. Avoiding feedback is experienced by the giver as kindness and by the recipient, later, as betrayal — particularly when it surfaces in a review, a missed promotion or a dismissal. Withholding it denies someone the chance to fix something, which is the argument worth remembering at the moment you decide not to say anything.
On receiving it: listen, ask for an example, thank them, and take time before responding.