Question

How do you keep a child safe online?

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Answer

Through conversation and gradual autonomy rather than surveillance alone, because the evidence consistently finds that children who fear losing access do not report problems — and reporting is what actually protects them.

The risks, which are not equally likely:

Contact risks — grooming, which typically involves flattery, secrecy and gradual escalation, frequently from someone known to the child.

Financial and sexual extortion, which has risen sharply and targets teenage boys heavily. The pattern is a rapid relationship followed by images and then threats.

Content risks — violent, sexual and self-harm material, including algorithmically recommended content.

Conduct risks, where the child is the one causing harm, which parents consistently underestimate.

Commercial risks — in-game spending, data collection and manipulative design.

Peer risks, which are the most common by a wide margin: exclusion, group chats and bullying.

What actually works:

The message that matters most: "if anything online worries you, tell me, and you will not lose your device." Removing access is the punishment children fear most, so threatening it guarantees silence. Say this repeatedly and mean it.

Technical controls as scaffolding, not a solution — age-appropriate settings, safe search, screen time boundaries, spending controls and privacy settings, tightened young and loosened progressively. They buy time; they do not substitute for conversation.

Devices in shared spaces when young, and out of bedrooms overnight.

Playing and watching alongside them, which is the single most informative thing a parent can do.

Teaching specifics, not slogans: that people online may not be who they say; that anything sent can be kept and shared; that requests for secrecy are the warning sign; that screenshotting and reporting is the right response; and that if something has already happened, it can be helped and they are not in trouble.

Knowing where to report, including services that can help remove intimate images of minors.

On monitoring. Covert surveillance of older children, if discovered, destroys the disclosure relationship — transparency about what is monitored, and reducing it as they grow, is the sustainable approach.

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