How do you help a child make friends?

By creating opportunity and teaching specific skills, rather than by encouraging generally — because "go and play with the others" is advice that assumes the exact ability the child lacks.

What the research identifies as the skills that matter:

Entering a group, which is the hardest and most trainable. Children who succeed watch first, work out what the game is, and join in what is already happening — while children who struggle interrupt, announce themselves, or try to change the activity. This can be taught explicitly and rehearsed.

Sustaining play — taking turns, accepting others' ideas, and tolerating not being in charge.

Managing conflict without escalating or withdrawing entirely.

Reading social cues, which some children need taught directly rather than absorbing.

What parents can actually do:

Arrange one-to-one contact. Friendships form in pairs, not in groups. A single friend visiting for a couple of hours does more than any number of group activities, and this is the highest-return action available.

Keep first visits short and structured around an activity, which removes the need to generate conversation.

Find the setting that fits the child — a club based on a shared interest gives a ready-made subject and a reason to be there.

Rehearse openings at home, which sounds artificial and demonstrably helps.

Do not hover or direct. Children need unsupervised space to negotiate.

Do not force popularity as the goal. One or two genuine friendships predict wellbeing; number of friends does not. A child with a single close friend is doing fine.

When to seek more help: persistent exclusion or bullying, which is a different problem; distress rather than contentment with solitude; a child who wants friends and cannot manage any; significant difficulty reading social situations, where an assessment may help; and sudden loss of existing friendships, which usually has a specific cause worth finding.

Talk to the teacher, who sees the playground dynamics you cannot and can seat, pair and group deliberately.